I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
