So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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