so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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