coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
