This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
