ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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