I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
