I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
