Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
