Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
