He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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