Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
