My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
