It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
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To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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