dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
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do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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