All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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