Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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