please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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