he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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