i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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