Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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