We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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