She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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