Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The air taste purple.
Randomize
