were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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