garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize