I think I am morally bankrupt
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
