Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize