Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My liver is preforming stress tests.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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