As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
