RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
