sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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