i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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