That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
