As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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