I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My life is pants optional.
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