no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
