ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
