I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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