I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
