My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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