The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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