he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
