Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
