do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
