She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
