wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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