Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
