ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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