i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize