My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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