hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
