my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
