He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize