Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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