...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
