i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
