Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
