You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
