I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
