Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
