I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
