I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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