Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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