I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
