If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
