trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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