We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
