Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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