Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
