I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
