i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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