sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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