I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
