i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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