the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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